Time Creeps in This Petty Pace

I realized while looking at the calendar today that at the end of this month I will have been unemployed for 6 months. That's 6 months of looking, 6 months of cover letters, 6 months slowly treading water.

I tell myself constantly that this is not forever, this is just right now. But honestly, I hit that point of a rock and a hard place earlier today. That point at which any action seems entirely pointless, so you look at the clock and even though it says 11:00 am, you figure it's ok to stare at the ceiling for another half-hour or so. Well, that's exactly what I did, then I got annoyed, hauled myself out of bed and into the shower. After standing ankle deep in water (the shower's been clogged all week, I've been ignoring it in the hopes that the person in charge of cleaning it this week and last week would step up and actually do it) I was even more annoyed.

Then I went into attack mode. Nothing was safe. I did the laundry I'd been ignoring, cleaned my bedroom, re-organized my closet, weeded the garden, gutted the basement, took the garbage out, distributed new ant-traps, re-charged all electronic devices, sorted clothes and shoes to Goodwill, and, YES, I unclogged the shower.

Why am I telling you this? I had someone say I seemed to be enjoying my unemployment. And to a certain extent, I acknowledge it is by far not the worst thing in the world to happen to a person. But . . . I try to be cheerful in my posts, to keep it light hearted, but also honest. Not everyday is a good day, in fact there are probably more bad days than good ones in the land of the unemployed. There's a good deal of self-doubt and uncertainty that comes with the territory and most of us that live here are just doing the best we can. Many of us living here did not make the choice, we were told we were not needed or wanted.

To our loved ones, friend, and acquaintances: We cannot help but crave the attention and conversation when you come home in the evening. We understand you've had a tough day and all you want to do is unwind, but you're the first human contact many of us have had all day, we're just excited to see you! (Trust me on this one, during my first month off, I went out to the local CVS, used the self-check out, and realized once I got home that I had missed my only chance of the day to talk to someone face to face. I sat and cried for a half-hour.) We do not mean to snap at you when you ask (if you dare to) how our day was, or how the job search is going, or if we've heard back from someone (the answers are ok, ok, and no.) We are glad for your continued support, even if we don't always say so.

So today started off not so great, I still got a lot done, and there's still more to do. I would honestly love nothing more than to go to an office and beat my head against a keyboard there, than here in my house. At least there I'd be a contributing member of society . . . the paycheck would be nice too! I know I'm looking at 6 months, but I also know that there are people who have been out of work much longer . . . with any luck I'll be forced to change the header on this blog soon.

Something more cheerful next time . . . London continues!